You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize