Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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