my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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