I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
