Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
