Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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