Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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