i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
