john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
