Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
