I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize