I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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