I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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