Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
