And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
