Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
