So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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