Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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