Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
