Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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