I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize