I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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