I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
