You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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