Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
