I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
