I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
