you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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