Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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