Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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