he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Who died my cat blue again?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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