Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
