I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
