Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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