Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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