Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
