Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
