We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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