I am puke
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
