Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
