Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
