I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
