I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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