I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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