i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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