I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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