the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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