He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
