I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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