my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
