someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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