one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize