I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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