WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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