Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
