dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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