I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize