I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
