this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am one with the molecules
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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