I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
