Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
