I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize