your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
