Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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