I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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