I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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