Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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