While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
