I must be too annoying 4 u.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
