There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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