wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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