That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
