there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
