it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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