I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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