Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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