...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
