You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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